Friday, March 28, 2008

When I walked along the absurdly boring chaotic railway platform, the journey seemed to be never ending. It was the adrenaline flow of returning home from a tiring day at college. Rather I guess that was courtesy hunger.

In relation to the things occurred at college today, there were thoughts in my lonesome mind. I feared how the scenario would turn out to be at home. It was the first time this had happened after all! I had failed! Failed in the year of academics!

Who was to be blamed? For my sweet consoling friends- it was the biased system of education running at college.. “the teacher doesn’t like you yaar!” , for my teachers- it was my insincerity... for my parents – it was their daughter with whom their hopes lied in the cardiac muscle [ i.e.; heart .. come on ! I’m a science student allowed to use the terms], but for me, it was ME!

Elaborating every detail that had happened through the year I went on toward the rickshaw stand, [in the queue the life lies!] I was scared, unnerved and waiting for one pious moment. “ A failed woman you are miss!” , would be my interviewer’s reaction in future , I thought. “ Do you have suicidal intentions??” , spoke the other thought in my mind! I shooed it by listening to, “madam, chalna hai na??” , by the rickshaw driver. Finally my den was approaching. This was the premiere moment where a loser enters home.

Using the keys, I got in. I dint want to delay it anyway so I rushed in. I found my mother and stood in front of her, silently, exasperating. There struck a strange understanding between us. “Some tea?” , she asked. Denying the offer I moved towards her and showed her the report card. Filmy moment I felt. But obviously seriousness had creeped in deteriorating that other comforts in life which I’ll have to give up now. This was it! All that I cared about. After a brief moment she completed going through it carefully. I saw the glimpse of a never happening site. That pearl in her eye. She came forward and……..hugged me!!

I could barely take it! Come on! I had failed! Mom slap me! I was getting mad!!! I cried too. She looked at me and said the most beautiful words ever.“I never liked studies myself. I hated examinations. Those yawns during studies haunted me forever. But for you, I had a dream. With you I wanted excellence. Never stopped you with anything just because I knew, you are destined to shine. This is not forgiveness, this is encouragement, mind you! Tomorrow I don’t want you to miss out on my name in credits when you achieve that big name. I failed in my first attempt too. If you think failures can’t excel and have no power to do anything, you are mistaken! That thought would have never made me a teacher I am today! You can do it!

“ p.s.: Encouragement [not failure] is the stepping stone to success